Dear Newton, Figarious Newton, Newton Figarious Bach, boyo boopin, boyo boopin scootin wootin and all of the other affection names I once had the privilege of calling you by,
You passed away just a few hours ago. I did not know what to do. I watched you sieze and take your final breath as a vet told me they could not take you. My mind will never forget the image, it will haunt me almost as much as your absence.
I remember when 20 year old me, depressed and working at McDonalds saw you for the first time. I was eating fig newtons, hence your name and I knew in my heart you would be loved by me forever. You were home a week later. You were so little you fit in one hand! At first you were so little you couldnt reach you water well enough so I had to make adjustments but soon enough I would come home at 8am after working the graveyard shift and find you in some odd place like sleeping under my pillow or under my bed. I looked forward to every single morning. Then your dad came along and you immediately loved him more (its fine 🙄) you started staying with him and got to free roam more often. Every single day, like clockwork. Dad would come home, you would race to him. Sometimes you’d lick him but most of the time you would just wait for pets and then he would always take off his work shirt and place it on you so it looked like you were wearing and oversized shirt. It was ridiculous but we always laughed and you genuinely seemed to enjoy it. I know tomorrow his heart will break even more.
We live in a new house now, you dont know a lot about it since some areas were limited while we fixed things up but feel free to explore in spirit all you want! If you chose to stay or visit i mean. Anyways, this new house isn’t home anymore. Its hard sitting here knowing you aren’t just around the corner. If I could go back to the days when your dad and I lived in a tiny room. We fixed up the closet for you real nice, you came in and out as you wanted. We were poor and broke so we slept on a mattress on the floor and every night you would wake me up by climbing over my body to sleep on your dads chest. He is such a deep sleeper I dont think he ever woke up once but id occasionally sneak a picture and show him in the mornings.
I left your body with your bond mates, I don’t know if they understood but they deserved to say goodbye. They also love you so very much. Its hard to look at them. Their dinner was late today, I broke down and sobbed watching them eat.
You never had the smallest amount of hate in you. With each and every being all you every has was immediate friendship. Even when your bonds came you never once tried to fight them and instead groomed them literally seconds after meeting him (and you somehow managed to stay dominant bun!) I remember dropping you off for your nueter and turning my head to look through the window and seeing all the vets huddled around you as you desperately seeked these strange peoples affections.
Tomorrow you will be cremated. I hope they take the time to admire your beauty, feel how soft your fur is and pet you in all your favorite spots. I hope your cold lifeless body can still somehow emanate the warmth you always did and that even if its the tiniest amount, I wish for them to feel what it was like to know you in life.
Newton, my best friend, when you came into my life I always knew someday you would leave it. Your presence changed my life in countless ways, every single one for the better. Your death has beaten me a million times. I am permanently altered. This is so immensely difficult. I’ve cried, screamed, begged for a different outcome but nothing changes and this pain in my heart only digs itself deeper. A promise that it will stay with me for as long as I live. A reminder that the greatest thing i’ve ever experienced in life is with me forever.
I hope we are together in every life. I hope everytime we reincarnated we find out way to each other. I hope you are with me long. I hope the next one is forever.
One final thing, my sweet boy. A thank you and an apology. Thank you for the wonderful four years you gave me. For all the unconditional love you shed onto me even when I was broke and crammed into a tiny space with you. Thank you for reminding me of all the good things when life difficult and for just putting a smile on my face everyday without fail. but I am so so so so a million times sorry. Sorry because you deserved better. Sorry because you were a part of every future plan ive made but you havnt seen the fruits of it and now wont get the change. Sorry because I could have played with you more or pet you more. Anything, everything. If there was anything more I could have done, if I could have reacted quicker. I would have and for that I hope you can forgive me. Knowing you though, you’re more worried about us and your sibling bonds. Bundad and I have each other. He is taking it hard, this is only the second time ever Ive seen him cry but I know we will make it. Your siblings, Wybie, Winnie and Ralph? They have each other right now. I’m not sure how things will look in the future for them. You were the glue keeping them together but i’m determined to keep them happy even though right now its a bit harder to look at them.
P.S I’ve already found random fluffs floating about and sticking to things. They are undoubtedly yours. Do you maybe miss me just as much as I am missing you?
by Bunlets3
